Hurt it Out or Chat it Out?

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The Broken and Reckless

No one wants to love me for all of me. They just want to love pieces of me

What happens when I’m here in school, days away from you and i have no one around me who wants to love all of me?

What if you hold my hand and hear a screaming in your head to let go?

If love can’t even love me, what’s the point in loving anything else?

I don’t want my heart to keep breaking

How can you guard your heart and love at the same time?

How is it supposed to matter if all it ends in is heartbreak?

You say I can’t die from heartbreak, but every heartbreak kills me slowly, and I’m on my last one.

You say you love me, but do you really?

I surprised your heart, and you repay me by breaking mine?

You were so happy, and so was I, but then you turn it right away and blindside me with indifference?

What do you do when at the end of the night it’s just you?

How do you cope when you don’t even know if you love yourself?

You say to not listen to other people, but how is that possible when they all break your heart?

When all you know is heartbreak, will you ever know anything else?

You say it was harmless, but you don’t know how much harm you’ve caused on me.

You made me fall, only to let me drop on the cold hard ground.

You said God told you, but why didn’t He tell me?

You asked God and He replied; yet I beg to God, and He lets me cry.

If God loves unconditionally, am I an exception?

Am I that one exception that no one has to love?

I open up my heart, because that’s what I’m told to do; but so far all that’s come of it is an open heart surgery gone wrong.

You say being a wanderer is the best path, but what happens when you want a home?

You tell me it’s a way to learn, but what if I don’t want to learn anymore?

You say that people stay, but all I see around me is an empty field.

You explain it well-so I may as well put a caution sign on my head; a sign that reads “caution: don’t get too close, you’ll hear a scream from Heaven”

You promise it’ll be okay, but what if I don’t trust promises anymore?

You say you’ll send love, but I doubt it’ll ever be delivered.

He lied, you lied, they all lied-how can I trust anyone?

You tell me to trust that we had something-how am I supposed to trust in anything anymore?

If trust isn’t tangible, and promises and love isn’t either, how can my touch be so harmful?

My touch is harmful, my love is harmful, my heart is broken, and we are broken.

You said you’d forever be there to mend my broken heart, and now you’ve left it cut open and bleeding out on the floor-where is forever now?

If you promised forever, and forever never came-do promises ever come true?

I’m broken and torn apart, and yet no one comes to my rescue-everyone walks by and watches as the vultures of my life take away all that I am.

For the broken and reckless girl that I am, the question becomes if I can ever love again.

 

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Now I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking something along the lines of:

Okay...what was that? Why did she start a blog post off with something that depressing?

You see, the fact of the matter is that everyone has hard times in their lives.

Everyone deals with them differently though, and even each person deals with each hard time differently.

For instance, sometimes I dance it out.

Sometimes I sing it out.

Sometimes I get out my bow and arrow and shoot it out.

Sometimes I throw it out.

Sometimes I talk it out.

Sometimes I cry it out.

Sometimes I eat it out (terrible habit...)

Sometimes I yell it out.

And sometimes I write it out.

Now you're thinking a whole different set of things, and to those all I will says is yes.

I am a complete mess.

But we all are.

We are sinful, broken, reckless, messes.

And sometimes we like to talk it out with other people, and sometimes we try and deal with it on our own.

But see the thing is...we can't do that.

We can't shut ourselves off.

And some people will say to that,

"but I hate talking to people about my problems. I feel like they judge me, or they'll think less of me, or they just won't understand...I just don't like talking to people."

But see...here's the fun part.

There's is always someone out there who wants to talk to us who won't give us judgment, who won't think less of us, who will love us regardless of all the crap that we are spilling out, and regardless of the mess that we are.

Sometimes we think that no one is there for us.

We're wrong.

There is always going to be someone who wants to talk to us.

So don't cut yourself off from everyone.

Because when you have no earthly person to talk to, you have a Creator who loves you regardless of the crap that you have.

Because that crap is called sin, and He forgives us of our sin first of all, second of all, He loves us despite our sin.

In fact, He died so that our sins could be forgiven and so that we could have an actual relationship with Him and bring everything to Him.

One of my favorite parts about God?

I can talk to Him like I talk to a person on earth.

So when we are in a low point in our life and we think no one wants to listen, God always wants to listen.

He is the best listener ever.

You can talk for hours, and He will give you His full attention the entire time.

One of my friends posted this on Pinterest today:

So when you feel like no one wants to talk to you...remember that God does.

Because when we get become so broken and reckless, the only thing we can do to help fix that is go chat it out with God.

And in case you think I know everything (which you shouldn't think that because I don't) the only reason I know this is because that broken and reckless girl you read about when you first started reading this blog post...

That girl was me.

But I say was, because I'm deciding that this time, while I'm at a low, I'm going to chat it out with God.

So now I'm going to leave you with a question since I figured that you were asking questions this entire post:

When you find yourself at a low point in life, will you hurt it out or will you chat it out?

And thus ends another episode of "random insight with Anna"

With all of my broken and reckless love,
     the girl who is choosing God over hurt