All the Things to Learn

Here’s what I’ve learned so far as a retired 23 year old dancer:

Nothing. 

Here’s why:

There’s no possible way to cope with your entire identity being changed after 13 years. 

As short as 13 years is in the dancing world, it’s still a long time. 

To have your entire being and everything you associate yourself with, be stripped away from you. That’s not something that is easily coped with. 

But here’s what I’ve learned from learning nothing. 

It affects everything. 

Your job. Your mental state. Your well being. Your eating habits. Your friendships. Your relationships. 

There’s no way to pretend it didn’t happen. To think it away. To wish it away. 

Here’s how I’ve been coping so far:

I’ve been wishing and pretending my problems away. 

The result? 

It’s blown up in my face. 

Now you’re probably thinking. Alright Anna, use this as one more excuse for why you’re an emotional hot mess. 

No. This isn’t an excuse. This excuses nothing. My behavior is my own fault. I take full blame. 

This is an explanation to myself. To anyone else who has struggled with this same thing - or anything that could possibly relate. 

You’re not the world’s worst person. Yeah we have our moments. But it’s okay to be going through a difficult time. 

But hey. 

This is our issue. The people around us. The people around me. They don’t deserve to have my shit be piled on them. They deserve the love that you have to give. And yes, maybe some days that’s barely any. But holding any of that love that you have inside of you in...I’m here to tell myself that that’s not right. It’s not humane. It’s not Godly. 

So now the issue lies with what to do next. 

You know. Here’s hoping that you have surrounded yourself with people who love you despite your yuck, and will do anything to help you become a better version of yourself. Because in doing that, you’re going to be committing to do the same for them. And that’s beautiful. 

These are the things that make life okay. When you hit rock bottom, you screw up so bad that you don’t know if it’s fixable, you don’t know how to eat like a normal person (that one might just be me...), you don’t know how to love people well without kicking them in the crotch accidentally, and you just generally suck at life. That point in your life is where you get to choose. You have two ways you can go. You can pretend everything is fine, keep chugging along, and hope everything heals itself. Or you can admit what a piece of garbage you are sometimes. 

I know, I know. Geez Anna...cheery pick me up. 

But honestly. These are the moments we get to choose to be brave. To be humble. To grow. To keep morphing into that person we know we can become. 

And that is the beauty of life. That we don’t stay stagnant. We don’t have to be stuck in a mess. We can buck up, admit we failed, slap on a new dress or what have you, and start a new adventure. 

That’s all this is. An adventure. 

And let’s pause for a hot second. 

Ask yourself honestly. 

Can you screw up an adventure? 

No. 

There it is again - “Anna. Of course you can. There’s so many things that could go wrong. Blah blah blah...” 

No, think about it. 

Yeah. Things can go wrong on adventures. But isn’t that the best part?

When has your perfectly planned adventure been the most memorable, and the most fond of your memories? 

I can tell you right now that my sister and I stopped planning our adventures. Because we had that much fun when we decided to wing it one time. 

Yeah, you plan little things. 

But when you step into some boots, throw a hat and a bathing suit on. 

Life is gonna be one crazy ride, that hopefully leads you to beautiful people, beautiful memories, and beautiful places. 

So here’s to adventuring. 

To screwing up a lot, but becoming a better person through the whole thing. 

Spread the love, and love will surround you.

Go adventure and learn, you crazy kids.

With all the adventures to be had,   

  the girl who's really just trying to apply this to her own life